On Dialogue

I have decided that I really need to carry around a small pocket notebook so that I can write down bits of conversations that I have with my honey and kids and sister.

We come up with little gems like:

A couple is standing in line at the store. The woman has expensive tastes and is very high maintenance. The man is carrying several bags and is obviously disgruntled.
Cashier: Oh, you are so pregnant! What are you having?
Woman: We don't know yet. But I want a girl. Can you imagine how cute that would be? I would love to have a girl so I could spend oodles of money on clothes and makeup. I am so excited.
Cashier (turning to man): What about you? Boy or girl?
Man: I just hope it's not mine.

Or

Drunk Mom: Don't you remember when you were eight months old and you superglued yourself to the car?
Grown up daughter (confused): You mean when you were eight months pregnant with me and you superglued yourself to the car?
Drunk Mom: Yeah, that!

Or (from when I worked in retail)

Middle aged, middling-pretty Woman, approaching dressing rooms: It is Christmas and you said I could have whatever I wanted! I want clothes! Are you stupid? Why can't you understand that you promised me this? Is it my fault that your credit cards have a limit?  I just can't deal with this. (she stomps off into the dressing room, leaving him with her purse and about eight well stocked bags from the most expensive stores in the mall.)
Well dressed man: Excuse me, miss?
Me: Yes, sir!
WDM: I would like to return all these items.
Me: Sure! *returns everything that can be returned at our store*
WDM: And... would anyone mind if I just left this purse over there? *points to an empty register stand*
Me: I don't see why not. Would you like for me to hold it for her?
WDM: No. I know where it goes. *goes over to the other stand and dumbs the purse in the garbage* Oh! Can you let her know that she needs a ride home please?
Me: Okay. *tries not to grin* I sure can!

He leaves.

About twenty minutes later, she comes out of the dressing room and begins to get angry about the fact that he is nowhere to be found.

Woman: Excuse me. EXCUSE ME! *buts between me and another customer that I am trying to help* Do  you know where that man went? GAH! He is making me so mad! I can't believe he wandered off with my purse and all my stuff!
Me: Uhm... well... I think he is returning your things.
Woman: What? OH MY GOD. He better not be! I will be like, so mad! UGH!
Me: Oh and he gave you a message. He asked me to tell you that you need to find a ride home.
Woman:... Is he breaking up with me?
Other Customer: If he isn't, he should be.
Woman begins to cry and runs off out into the mall.
Other Customer, watching her run out into the mall, wailing: Wait... that shirt had tags on it.
Me, sighing: I just love the holiday season.
Other customer: I don't even want to know.